you are my own personal brand of heroin.

who ever would have thought you could take something from Twilight and apply it to your life.. but have you thought about that line? what is like a drug to you? do your hands tremble when you think about getting this heroin again? are you and living and breathing just to get your fix?

i am.

just feel it. it feels like fire and torture and hatred burning and bubbling up under your skin but god - it feels so good. i let it race and burn through my veins to the point where i feel like screaming and laughing and crying all at once.

i can feel you all around me
i lean back and clasp my trembling hands together.. i open my mouth and soft wispy breaths escape pulling my eyelids closed.. my head falls back and my eyes slowly open and i look up.. waiting for it. it'll come. i hear you then and my body tenses up... painfully so.. feeling the fire and hate and torture. my heart is about to explode and my head is pounding.. i reach up to rub my temples and wipe away the moisture on my face. i hear your voice again and suddenly i smile. because i realize..

you are also the reason i'm alive.

i often wonder what my life would be like if i didn't have my drug. what i'd be like. would i be as happy as i am now? or would i be better off without it? i guess you can't have love without pain.. but would i want the love if the pain didn't come with it? i ask myself these questions constantly.
would i rather have a life without pain and suffering and out of control emotions, or with it?

i might already know the answer to that.

i really really like shooting shows with an slr. it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. a couple weeks ago i shot the dear hunter/lydia show and it was just incredible. leighton from lydia is a freaking beast on stage.

kevin devine is coming here next week and there's a chance i might shoot that. he's acoustic so i think that would make some great great shots.

danger radio is coming to recher in.. october and i was toying with the idea of applying for a photopass since it's not as small as ottobar. in ottobar you don't need a photo pass because there's no designated photo pit.


i'm so excited to get my camera and not have to use my mom's anymore. i love her's... but i'd like to have my own. canon digital rebel xti. :D there are sooo many lenses i want. 50mm, 100mm, fisheye, and a lensbaby. i'm starting my job really really soon and i'm stoked.

okay so this boy...

is basically the hottest thing i've ever seen in my life.
haha.

happy motherfucking birthday

to me.










too bad it's not all that happy.

I need to start using this thing more.

1. I think The Cab are N*SYNC in disguise. If the make a video for "Bounce" I hope to god that there are synchronized dance moves. I would die, haha. Guilty pleasures for the win. I was addicted to "Risky Business" for a couple days.

2. Bamboozle is next weekend. I'm freaking excited. ENVY ON THE COAST, Paper Rival, The Fall Of Troy, Danger: Radio, Circa Survive, Anthony Raneri (of Bayside), Brighten, Coheed and Cambria, Jimmy Eat World, Snoop Dogg (haha), As Tall As Lions, All Time Low, Jack's Mannequin, Less Than Jake, Lydia, Mindless Self Indulgence, Saves The Day, The Audition, THRICE, THE STARTING LINE, THE RECEIVING END OF SIRENS, Finch, Every Time I Die, Good Old War, The Dear Hunter, The Cab, The Bouncing Souls, Scary Kids Scaring Kids, Mayday Parade, Motion City Soundtrack.... and that's not even the entire lineup. It's going to be a packed two days for me.

blahhh. that's kind of it.

Say Anything, Manchester Orchestra, Biffy Clyro, Weatherbox - 3/30/08

The Recher Theatre - Baltimore, MD

Can I start off by saying that people are fucking annoying? When the first band was setting up, these assholes kept going on and on about how much Manchester Orchestra sucks (they do not, by the way). Then, I had this fucking 12 year old throwing around the f word complaining that they were taking too long. She was obviously there for Say Anything, and later during their set, I only saw her singing along to “Wow! (I Can Get Sexual Too)”. You have no idea how many idiot girls were there.

These dimwits were fucking talking over Manchester Orchestra. So I turn around and say “You realize you’re talking over an amazing band, right?” The idiots say “You can still hear you’re right next to the speaker blah blah blah”. So you know what I say? “It doesn’t matter; I can still hear you talking while I’m trying to enjoy this band”. What I really wanted to say was “That really doesn’t matter. You guys are letting shit fall out of your fucking mouth while this incredible band is pouring their soul out on stage.”

God I hate people.

[ / rant ]


Anyways.

Manchester Orchestra.
They are one of the most incredible, passionate bands I have ever had the privilege of seeing live. I was in awe, I was amazed. Emotion basically oozes off them. It was so overwhelming and intense.

During “Where Have You Been”, near the very end, Andy drops his microphone, sets down his guitar, comes to the edge of the stage and starts screaming the rest of the lyrics. He walks back to the middle of the stage, pulling his hair like he can barely stand the emotion that’s building inside him. I could barely breathe.


Say Anything.
So fucking fun. Ridiculous amounts of fun. Singing along to “Admit It!!!” was one of the best times I’ve ever had. I have Coby’s drumstick too. Apparently people like me at concerts? It fell between the barrier and the stage and the security guy gave it to me.



I got to barrier before the first band even started. I had an amazing spot, but unfortunately I forgot my camera. The entire time I was seeing photographs in my head, it was torture.

http://www.myspace.com/sayanything
http://www.myspace.com/manchesterorchestra
http://www.myspace.com/biffyclyro
http://www.myspace.com/weatherbox

You're worth more than you can see.

This is such a hard subject. There is endless amount of emotion that comes with this, and I feel I’ve only scratched the surface. When I try and sit down and talk about it, or even sit down and write about it, it just never comes out the way I want it to.

This isn’t a straightforward, simple thing. It’s an emotional, messy, heart wrenching thing. But isn’t that what love is? Emotional and messy; yet amazing?

…I hope you all know what I’m talking about.

Envy on the Coast.

You might thinking, “My god, will she ever shut up about this one goddamn band?”

But the thing is, I can’t.

They crawl under my skin and make my body seethe and writhe with emotion. My throat closes up and my heart starts to burn. I respect and admire these boys not only for making music that affects me so, I also greatly respect them as people.

I am baffled by how this one little band, can make one little person feel this amazing inside. I don’t understand how they have this power over me. I don’t understand how they can bring tears to my eyes, thoughts to my brain, and emotions to my heart. All at once. How that is even possible, baffles me.

It’s like one of the boys shoved his hand into my chest and started squeezing. Constricting my lungs so I can’t breath, and squeezing my heart so the feeling gets bigger and more powerful. I choke over every lyric, every chord, every beat, and every note.

They wrench my heart into a knot so it is stuck on that one feeling. I can’t seem to shake it; I can’t seem to get this chill out of my bones.


Thanks a lot.
I've been disadvantaged from the start.
He constricted the veins heading straight to my head,
Re-routed the blood to my heart instead.
-"Starving Your Friends"