you are my own personal brand of heroin.

who ever would have thought you could take something from Twilight and apply it to your life.. but have you thought about that line? what is like a drug to you? do your hands tremble when you think about getting this heroin again? are you and living and breathing just to get your fix?

i am.

just feel it. it feels like fire and torture and hatred burning and bubbling up under your skin but god - it feels so good. i let it race and burn through my veins to the point where i feel like screaming and laughing and crying all at once.

i can feel you all around me
i lean back and clasp my trembling hands together.. i open my mouth and soft wispy breaths escape pulling my eyelids closed.. my head falls back and my eyes slowly open and i look up.. waiting for it. it'll come. i hear you then and my body tenses up... painfully so.. feeling the fire and hate and torture. my heart is about to explode and my head is pounding.. i reach up to rub my temples and wipe away the moisture on my face. i hear your voice again and suddenly i smile. because i realize..

you are also the reason i'm alive.

i often wonder what my life would be like if i didn't have my drug. what i'd be like. would i be as happy as i am now? or would i be better off without it? i guess you can't have love without pain.. but would i want the love if the pain didn't come with it? i ask myself these questions constantly.
would i rather have a life without pain and suffering and out of control emotions, or with it?

i might already know the answer to that.